It’s a deep question I know, and if you’re not the type to acquire a lot of things it probably sounds like a silly one too. But I assure you the problem is very real. Our stuff can have power over us. It can keep us from being social, cause us to work long hours and affect our physical, mental and emotional health.

Most people aren’t in the habit of giving much thought to their posessions or the sheer volume of them. Below are some pretty eye opening statistics.

• The average American buys 53 times as many products as someone in China.
• We would need the resources of 3 planets for everyone on Earth to live an “American” lifestyle.
• The United States has upward of 50,000 storage facilities, more than five times the number of Starbucks. Currently, there is 7.3 square feet of self storage space for every man, woman and child in the nation.

These statistics shed light on just how prevelant the aquistition of stuff has become in our society. However, the stuff itself is not the problem. Like money, stuff is neither good nor bad. It can be a tool to move us forward or a vice that holds us down. It all depends on what you do with it.

Tricks of the Mind

In Psychology there’s a  term called cognitive distortion. In his article, 15 Common Cognitive Distortions, John M. Grohol, Psy.D. describes it like this, “Cognitive distortions are simply ways that our mind convinces us of something that isn’t really true. These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions — telling ourselves things that sound rational and accurate…” Below are a few examples of the way your mind can distort your thinking about your stuff.

Stuff = Success

Some people equate the ability to aquire stuff with success. We are bombarded with images and stories about successful people and their stuff. We strive to be able to aquire our own stuff, thinking this will make us feel or appear successful. In reality, stuff does not determine success. We do! Each of us should have our own definition of what success looks like. Remember, there are plenty of successful people who choose not to burden themselves with excess stuff. When was the last time you put some thought into what success looks like to you?

Stuff = Happiness

Does the term retail therapy sound familiar? Some people use the experience of shopping in the same way some people use food. It becomes a default way to find comfort, happiness or stress relief. These feelings are short lived however. That’s becuase shopping and eating are merely bandaid solutions to deeper issues. In the long run, these habits often end up adding to the underlying issue or creating new ones. It’s hard enough to feel sad or stressed out, creating a cluttered environment will only compound those feelings.  It’s much better to find the courage and necessary support to face the issues and seek healthier solutions.

Scarcity Mindset

Sometimes the issue is less with the desire to aquire and more with the need to hang on. Especially for people who come from, or find themselves in, a position where they don’t feel confident financially. People who have a scarcity mindset tend to feel guilt at the thought of getting rid of perfectly good things.  They also might worry that at some point in the future there will be a need they won’t be able to fill, so they hang on to things just in case. Living in a scarcity mindset is exhausting. You’re always “on alert”. It’s important to be prudent and plan for your needs. Just don’t allow yourself to fall into the what if trap. Another important thing to remember, is that perfectly good things that sit on shelves and never get used are in fact being wasted. If you’re not going to use it, it’s actually more responsible to pass it on to someone who will.

Consequences of too Much Stuff

These tricks of the mind often have real world conscequences. Some people get stuck in a place I call “living in the past”. Items from relationships, former hobbies, possessions from deceased family members, and other tokens of days past take up precious space and energy. Don’t get me wrong, preserving family history and memories is important, but when there is no room to live in the present there’s a problem. These things should enhance your life and bring you joy, not be an obstale to living the life you desire right now.

Still other people get stuck in a place I call “living in the future”. These are the people that always seem to have that odd thing your looking for. They hold on to things just in case someone, at some time might need them. It makes them happy to fill others needs this way. They have the best of intentions, but at what cost? Just like the people living in the past, there is no room for the present.

This is how our stuff owns us. Instead of helping us it controls us. I love these statements by Lisa Avellan at SimpleandSoul.com:

• “If you turn down invitations because you need to be home cleaning or organizing…you’re owned.”
• “If you are unable to pursue your passion because your debt has you working overtime every month…you’re owned.”
• “If you feel overwhelmed and ashamed by the clutter in your home or office…you’re owned.”
• “If you feel secure and satisfied after a purchase and within days feel the let down of disappointment… you’re owned.”

Use the 5 Why’s to Deal with Lingering Stuff

We all have our own story in relation to our stuff. If you are struggling with too much stuff and are having a hard time letting go, I challenge you to try the 5 Why’s exercise.

Grab a trusted, non-judemental support person. Next, have your support person ask the first “why” Ex: “Why you are struggling with this particular item?” After you have responded your support person then asks you why for a second time. It’s helpful if they reframe each “why” question around the previous answer. Ex: “Why do you feel, think etc. ___?” Repeat this process 3 more times. By the end you should have a deeper understanding of the thoughts and feelings that are keeping you stuck.

You can also do this alone as a writing exercise. If you’re doing it as a writing exercise ask your self the first “why” and write down the answer as you say it out loud. Then ask yourself the second “why” and write that answer.

I hope this article has opened your mind and given you some food for thought about your relationship with your stuff. Life is meant to be lived fully and enjoyed. Don’t let stuff get in your way!

Good luck and remember….don’t believe everything you think!